Has the World gone mad? 💫 Sorry this is a long one...

I'm not sure about you, but I really think the World has gone mad lately, well I feel it's been bonkers for a while.. but I feel at the moment, with all the crazy astrological things taking place around us, retrogrades and Lions Gate portal being activated, I really think it's done a number on a lot of people at the moment.

It seems that everyone I talk to is waking up and questioning. Questioning what makes them happy, asking if the environment they're in is working for them? If the people in their life light them up? Have I got enough joy in my life? Am I just living to work instead of working to live?

There's a real part of me that believes as things have got heavier in the World around us, so have we. Our sense of humour, of fun, joy in the little things, releasing the inner child - it's all been forgotten. I know I have. Perhaps me sharing a bit about what's been going on for me and where I'm at might resonate with some of you. Here goes brutal honesty!

As I've mentioned, 2025 collectively is a year 9 in numerology. This is all about the ending of cycles. Releasing, shredding and asking yourself what are you leaving behind to start your next 9 year cycle as the person you want to be? I thought I had let go of everything that needed to be released in my personal 7-9 years. I had been stripped of everything and started completely over again, from scratch, by myself. 2025 is my personal year 1 - the year of self and wow it's been transformational. I've still had things to let go of, which I didn't even realise needed releasing. This year has definitely been about me battling with my inner critic and limiting beliefs. I feel a lot of people are being challenged by these this year. A little reflection on the ride so far..

As I mentioned previously, this year has been a wild ride. At the beginning of the year, 2 years on, I finally had the full final closure from my ex. I honestly believed we could be friends, was always a big advocate of that, for the dog's sake.. But if I'm honest, as Jay Shetty said, 'If you can be friends with your ex, it's either because you never loved each other deeply or one of you wants to get back with the other.' Well I definitely loved deeply and always had a little bit of hope deep down that we'd come back together and now I completely agree with Jay, that's me personally - I just couldn't be friends with an ex anymore - I love too fiercely and deeply. I had completely and utterly romanticised the relationship, had forgotten a lot of how fundamentally we want very different things from life. But, I thought I had started to let go and was healing my heart, slowly but surely.

We then had a run in at the beginning of this year, funnily enough after a mushroom ceremony on Valentine's Day where my intention was to finally let him go from my heart. The mushrooms literally brought him to my door! It was a brutal situation to be put in, I saw a completely different side to him - it was cruel how he handled himself and ultimately he ended up hurting me all over again. I know this stemmed from his inability to process his emotions and be honest with himself. I also know that I had to see this side of him to let him finally go.

It's hard as humans to let go of our comfort zone. I had become his emotional crutch, his safety blanket - we had spent our twenties together, we had been through a lot. But letting that go, for both of us to move forward was hard and scary. I always thought he would be in my life. It does hurt that he's not, but ever since that day when I blocked and deleted his number, I have been free. He knew that if he called I'd be there, that I still, 2 years on, put him on a pedestal (big mistake, won't be making again!), he knew I still loved him. Blocking him gave me my power back. The power I didn't realise that I had given to him for so long. Thinking if I did, then he'd love me, then I'd be enough, then he'd stay. This was the problem. I was seeking all the love, validation and support externally. I don't blame him, that's a big burden for anyone to have to take on. This encounter then set me on my true journey and path that I was destined to walk this year. The journey of self discovery and self love. Of coming truly back to self. The true meaning of the year 1.

So, it was like the breakup had happened all over again. Very fresh, very raw and it hurt. A lot. When we first broke up there was a lot of other things going on - selling the house, buying a new one, building up my coffee van business - I kept myself very busy. Not really giving myself time to stop and process. This time was different. It was final. The reality sunk in. I felt like I really had to grieve this. Grieve us, our life together and a big part for me, being a part of his family. Having moved away from mine, I was very close to his and not having this hit home hard and I was feeling very alone. Don't get me wrong, I have incredible friends around me - who are my soul family. I probably wouldn't be here without them, they have gotten me out of some extremely dark places and I'll be forever grateful. But I was missing my family. I was stuck in the past and was struggling to find a way out of it. Wow, when you actually sit with things it can be really confronting!

Anyway, I went round in circles for a bit, thought the dating apps would help me feel better.. quickly realised that was a big mistake and only made me feel worse. They swiftly got deleted! I also realised that my narrative of 'F***k it, it'll be good for the story!' I had really outgrown. I was very out of touch with myself and my spiritual practise, self care routine was non existent. I wasn't in a great place mentally and felt completely stuck.

Going back to comfort zones, I find it really fascinating studying what people perceive as a comfort zone. I've analysed mine and unfortunately because I've lived most of my life in fight or flight mode, survival/high anxiety that leads into freeze mode has become my 'safety comfort zone'. It's a mode I've been trying to work on for a while now, but finally I feel I've had my breakthrough. I knew I was blocking myself completely and utterly. I just knew that if I put the time and energy into myself, into building the business that I want to create, I know it's going to be successful. But I was preventing myself from moving forward, self sabotaging and I couldn't figure out why. It's taken a while, but I know I hadn't actually given myself time and space to sit with things, work through what I needed to and given myself this time to get my ducks in a row. To connect back to self.

Other people's comfort zones that I've witnessed, would be that of security. Of getting a full time job, to be 'secure''. Well when I bought my house and I was on my own for the first time in my 'adult' life, after being a freelancer since I was 17, I succumbed to the fear, sold my coffee van business and got some full time jobs. I had a regular income each month and that should stop the worrying. I should feel secure. I really struggled with this. Mentally, I couldn't focus, my ADHD was running the show and I really felt extremely lost, not knowing what I wanted to do. I was operating out of fear again. I jumped around a few jobs, trying to figure out what I wanted to do, when earlier this year I saw a job back in events that I applied for. My previous job in events was overshadowed by my struggle with endometriosis and being made redundant from Covid, so I felt I wanted to try again and give it my all, without the illness. To start with I absolutely loved it, but I started to feel very restless, struggled with working in an office again and quickly realised that it was a pretty toxic atmosphere. My mental health rapidly declined, I wasn't looking after myself and I had completely lost my self confidence.

Thankfully I was able to work from home for a couple of weeks which gave me the space I needed to get my head straight. I had some really fun things planned and I was spending time with some great people, ones who know how to laugh, enjoy life and are at one with themselves. I think I've been in denial that I am a hippie deep down and instead of trying to repress it I need to embrace it. I tried to go back into the office environment, I just couldn't do it anymore. So I quit. Spending some time with my friends, good people who understand me and actually sitting with myself enabled me to get clarity on what I want to do. I spent time with my family, spent quality time starting afresh and it helped me so much. They reminded me of what I've overcome in the past and gave me the boost I needed.

I need to take the risk and follow my dreams. I came back to myself and over the last couple of months I've really reconnected with myself - I feel the best I have, the most confident, the most aligned and I have the most belief I've had in myself and my vision. I feel really excited for what's ahead. My inner child has come out - I have laughed more in the past few weeks then I have for the most of this past 18 months. Finding fun in the small everyday things. I've realised that actually I thrive in uncertainty. I have no idea what the future has in store for me, but I am in my true trust and surrender era. I know it's all going to work out.

I've realised that our comfort zones are actually holding us back. Back from our true path, back from stepping into our highest power. I've also realised how crucial it is that we surround ourselves with the right people and put ourselves in the right environment. Without this, life becomes a lot harder. The self doubt and inner critic becomes louder. It can become a dark and lonely place. If you're feeling lost right now, I want you to know that you're not alone.

As cheesy as it sounds, the answers are all within, you just need to get quiet and listen to your thoughts, with no judgement and really honour yourself. Surround yourself with people who love you and will support you no matter what. No job is worth your mental health. No person will give you the love you're looking for. It all starts with you. Once you unlock this, I promise you you're going to fly. I'll be rooting for you! For now, I'll keep you posted with my journey and what unfolds. I'd love to hear how you're doing 💖